I always hoped that she would diet but she never really tried – not even for our wedding but she still looked lovely.

However, there were other problems in our relationship, our sex life, her over-spending and general do-what-I like attitude.

Eventually, I stopped finding her attractive physically, although she hadn’t really changed that much physically – maybe gained another 20lbs but in the scheme of things nothing dramatic.

The change in my attraction to her was because the way I saw the other aspects of her – the thins that had captivated me in the first place – it was like it had been an illusion. I saw her in a completely different way and that changed the way I saw her physically too.

I chanced upon this site because I would actually desparately love to find her attractive again – I just don’t. There is no connection at all.

As a couple of other commenters have noted, it’s odd that even as most non-troglodytes have come to realize that no amount of therapy or willpower can turn a gay person straight, the FA movement has started imagining that it’s possible for people to will themselves into changing what body types they find attractive.

Losing weight, especially in our culture which is saturated with unhealthy foods and opportunities to avoid exercise, is enormously difficult. But making yourself find fat attractive when you simply don’t is impossible.

My whole life I’ve been attracted to a variety of women. I can’t stand the really fat ones, but a little bit of fluff is usually ok depending on how it looks on them, and how the other womanly features develop. (Yes, feminists, I include personality in there.)

I believe that it is everyone’s individual responsibility to maintain their shape as best as possible. I married someone unwilling to maintain her shape, and as such I am in a pretty miserable marriage. Once my shape is fixed up, it’s likely that I’m shipping the hell out. I figure that gives her ample time to make up her mind to do it, so it’s not like I’m springing an ultimatum of “lose 100 lbs by tomorrow or else”.

It’s just as much her responsibility to me as it is mine to her, and that is why I started losing the weight first. I guess the bottom line, though, is that I can enjoy a fluffy girl if she seems truly content. I cannot tolerate obesity, even to the slightest degree, if I can sense the brooding depression which creates it underneath. That is the biggest turn-off ever, and it makes me think that this person is so self-centered that they will never be able to truly participate in a good marriage.

The most amazing sex I ever had was with a woman who was 30 lbs overweight. I never noticed until looking objectively at her pictures six years later, but that’s just how it is. She captivated me, and not because she had some supermodel body.

Body isn’t everything, and I think most everyone knows that. Thing is, there has to be enough of an attraction to spark a relationship. Absent such attraction, you have nothing.

There’s BIG difference between someone choosing to do wrong and a person struck by disaster (i.e. not their choice).

Stop being a victim and stop cheering on victims. We all risk being hit by a car but, the sane ones of us take simple steps to minimize these risks; like not walking into the middle of a busy street and saying that this was out of our control.

What if your husband decided to start chewing and lost all his teeth, you still gonna french kiss him?? (don’t lie now)

Again, this whole issue is regarding choice, not freak million item long ‘what if’ disaster lists.

Basically what i’m saying is that if you’re such a lazy person that you gain such excessive amounts of FAT because of it I don’t want to have you in my life. A little fat gain is fine, it really is. Right now i personally am actually attempting to put on muscle but a side effect of that is a little fat gain. However in no way is it an unhealthy amount of fat gain.

I don’t plan on having a pot belly…ever. I work out and plan out my meals – because I 1) Don’t want to have that pot belly and 2) I feel more energetic and healthy. It’s just called taking care of yourself. It’s not some magical process that’s open to only a few genetically lucky individuals. It should be like brushing your teeth everyday – no one listens to anyone complain about how that’s a pain in the ass to have to do everyday. It’s automatic and accepted. Just like eating right and exercise should be.

Coda – Are you talking about only visual attraction and nothing else? I think it’s hard to define love and relationships in only visual terms. I like kilts. I have always liked men with dark hair but also fell in love with a man with fair hair. Who you fall in love with may not be your ideal visual attraction. Energy, synapses, connection, all of that is so much more important. I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet that if your spouse was eating food that was good for him and getting some exercise he would feel better about himself and even if he only ever lost 25 of that 100, you probably could still be happy again because he would feel better. More fit. You would also feel like he was taking care of himself better as well, which would make you feel better yourself. When people are depressed about their looks they sort of give up and give in to the cycle and it creates lots of other problems, as you mentioned. I hope you guys can work it out!

After reading all of the above postings I noticed not one over-weight person said what type of person they are attracted to. Are over-weight people attracted only to other over-weight people, or are they attracted to fit and trim individuals? I don’t think it’s really fair to judge.

I love my husband and have tried countless times to encourage him to lose weight; his life may depend on it. So far nothing I say has ever made a difference and he continues to gain weight and I unfortunately continue to be unattracted to him.

No i’m sorry, but i’m going to stay grounded in reality and BE HONEST with my lovers that hey, I think we’d BOTH be happier if you didn’t gain 50 pounds. I’m NOT saying “be constantly unhappy with your body because it will not be good enough for me”…i’m saying “you are awesome and perfectly capable of losing a few pounds if you want to”. And it’s not a damn lie, anyone is capable of losing a few pounds if they want to.